May 25: Guangzhou, Day 3, Medical Exam

Breakfast began with GG very happily eating his fill…as long as he could
feed himself. I’m experiencing quite the conflict of interest. When to let
him be independent? And when to force him to rely on me, thereby working
on attachment? With eating, I’ve been leaning more and more toward letting
him feed himself because I think he’s likely to be happier if he’s full.
Especially while we’re still in China. But it is a conflict. Even though
he was in a foster family, he is used to being very independent. He would
even decide when to go to bed at night. The foster mom said that when he
was tired he would just go lay down on a bed and go to sleep. He is also
used to dragging his own bottles around to drink, at least if I can assume
that from the way the foster mom handed him one when we visited. I’ve been
doing one bottle time a day, always holding the bottle for him, but
getting zero eye contact. We were told to do several bottle feedings, but
the agency folks here told us they think the formula has sugar in it and I’m
pretty sure that he’ll get better nutrition from regular food than he will
from multiple doses of Chinese formula.

Which brings me to one of the “I didn’t know about Chinese culture” things
that I discussed with our guide today. I had no idea that the Chinese
consumed so much sugar. It’s everywhere. In everything. GG’s crackers have
a sugar coating on them. His “yogurt drink” (that we were told to give him
3x/day) tastes like pure sugar. His favorite snack drink. All the drinks
that people buy on the street. Soda pop. We haven’t seen pure juice
anywhere outside of our hotels. Our guide says that some younger parents are starting to want non-sugar items for their kids and are having to buy
expensive imports cause it’s just not locally available. Since you can’t
drink the water, people are drinking sugary drinks as an alternative. Even
the “milk” that we were given at the school (labeled “China school milk”)
tasted like someone took a glass of milk, dumped out 95% and then added
thick sugar water back in until it reached capacity. I tasted NO milk in
it. And they didn’t need refrigeration, if that says anything. Our guide
really lamented the fact that they have so few healthy choices.

But back to today…

We gathered with the rest of the agency folks for our kids’ medical exams.
We entered a “medical examination” clinic, which appears to primarily
(completely?) focus on exams for Visas. Thankfully, we were ushered
through a PACKED lobby area where Chinese nationals were waiting and into the “adoptive children” area. There, of course, arises the next conflict…
Does one let one’s child down to play with toys in the room where all the
kids from orphanages and foster homes from the entire country have
recently passed? I’ve been surprised how many parents are delighted
to take their new children to the White Swan’s “Mattel playroom”
(seriously, Mattel is the sponsor and stocked the place) when every bug in
the country (literally) has probably recently passed through that room.
We’ve been perfectly content to play in our hotel room instead!

We waited for quite a while before taking turns in 3 exam rooms:

1. ENT exam—I thought this was pretty funny. (This is for you, Lara.) An
ENT exam consists of someone looking into the child’s ears, nose, and
throat with the naked eye and an occasional glance from a flashlight. I
did hear that one cleft lip baby was actually treated to a tongue
depressor. But that was it.
2. Weigh/measure—He just stepped on a scale to be measured, height/weight. 36”, 27lbs (2 lbs more than when they weighed him in Feb!) I was glad he was big enough to stand on a scale. It didn’t look like they were changing the paper on the baby scale in between babies.
3. Medical check—a doctor took his clothes off and looked him over. It was
more intrusive than I’m used to with our pediatrician, but I complained in
advance to our guide (as I’d heard it could be worse) and she made sure
that it was kept to a minimum.

In the midst of all this GG had to go potty. I’d like to announce that I
successfully took my child potty on a squatty potty for the first time.
“Proud” doesn’t even begin to describe it.

After the three exams all the other kids and parents left.

‘Cept us.

Cause we’re special.

No, actually it’s cause we’re a HAGUE CASE. ARGH! We waited FOREVER (and they actually cut us in line) to get FOUR SHOTS so that he’d be up to date with U.S. standards. All the other kids (not up to date) got to walk right out. And we had to torture him with four. DTP, MMR (and he’d already had the measles shots!!!!), HIB, and Varicella. Nice, huh? At home I put off the other kids’ Varicella til school age. Not allowed here. By order of U.S. government. One thing that was nice, however, was that when I asked
for lot #s, they actually allowed us to take the packaging. So we have the
actual boxes and inserts his vaccines came in. Of course it’s all in
Chinese, but I could read that they were produced by Merck and by
Glaxo/Smith/Kline, so hopefully, they are comparable to what he’d get at
home??? I have no clue. But at least I can hand them to the pediatrician.

GG did very well with his shots. When our guide told him he was getting shots he said “good/okay.” He says that a lot in response to things that are
going to happen to him. He didn’t cry on the first one. The second got a
little teary. The third brought on active crying and looked painful. And
the fourth was quickly over. And the jellybellies helped to make it
easier.

After the shots we had to wait 30 minutes to make sure he didn’t react. We
had a nice chat with the agency staffers. I asked them some more about how
often they have families turn kids down (after two in the last batch.) She
said it was pretty unusual, maybe one a year. (Although at one point she
said “province” so it was a little unclear whether she meant one case in
the whole country or one case per province per year.) She said sometimes
the local province hospital doesn’t have the resources to make a correct
dx and incomplete info is sent to CCAA. Then, by the time the adoptive
parents arrive, a progressive condition looks significantly worse. In this
last batch, it sounded like that was the case for one family and in the
case of the other family they were simply unprepared for the reality of
development in a post-institutionalized child. Those are the ones that
frustrate me on several levels. They left without any child; the other
family was given a new referral.

As we were leaving the clinic, I asked our guide to tell GG we were returning
to the hotel. (Earlier, when we were forced to wait after the shots, he’d
told her that he wanted to go back to the hotel; she told him he had to
wait a while.) She asked if he was hungry. I told her to tell him we were
going to go eat. He told her, “I not hungry. I want to go to hotel and
watch t.v.” I thought that was pretty funny. Although he’s watched a tiny
bit of Chinese cartoons in the hotel, he hasn’t seemed very interested in
the t.v. unless you count pushing the remote control buttons.

We had another nice lunch at Cow & Bridge (Thai restaurant that tastes
like good Chinese food.) Then naps. Then we took a cab ride to a market
that another family suggested we visit. This is a 6 story indoor market
filled way past capacity with teeny tiny shops. Each shop holds very
specific content such as clocks, Hello Kitty stuff, key rings, hair
ornaments, etc. Shopkeepers come here to buy bulk items at wholesale
prices. So, for example, you might get one keychain for 8RMB, 10 for
6RMB/each, or 20 for 3RMB/each. The amount of stuff was dizzifying.
Sensory overload and consumerism at it’s worst! We went through several
floors and the kids and I tired of it. We aren’t very good consumers. My
back hurt from carrying a squirming GG who quickly finished the three
packages of crackers I’d brought for emergencies. So only a few hours
later it was time to find a cab. But the bulk of humanity was leaving this
place. People everywhere. Cars, buses, bikes everywhere. Full taxis
everywhere. Empty taxis nowhere. We walked up one block and down another, trying to find an empty taxi. We were very hot, tired, and sticky. We
finally found an empty taxi and were only too happy to finally sit in a
stifling hot seat and join the other bazillion vehicles inching their way
forward. At one point I was a little disconcerted to see headlights all
pointing toward us—on both sides of our vehicle. But we made it back in
one piece. Gave two boys baths. And put them to bed where they are both
laying awake as I type.

LilDude has been really struggling. Despite feeling much better and getting
enough sleep, he is pretty much constantly in a bad mood. We’ve done
everything we can think of to help him, but nothing seems to be working. I
think it’s time to take him home. Time to take all of us home! GG, in
contrast, seems to be (at least outwardly) doing pretty well. Eating is
good as long as he does it himself. Sleeping is good. He likes to giggle
and play with us. He occasionally hits one of the other kids too hard, but
we take his hand and stroke the other child and say “gentle” and he’ll
usually imitate us. Yesterday/today he started something that I hope is a
fluke. Spitting. A couple different times he looked right at me, hugely
grinned, and spit. One time it was while waiting for lunch. He was sitting
in the high chair at my elbow, gave me a super big grin and leaned over
and spit (patooey!) in my lap. So far, my tendency is to show no reaction
as I think that will probably get me farther than saying no.

Tomorrow we relax while our agency works on getting GG’s Visa at the Consulate appointment. Wednesday we have the adoption ceremony and head to the train station at 6:15 to go to Hong Kong. Then we leave very early Thursday morning from HongKong, first to Toyko, then home. Apparently, they are temp scanning at both the train station and the hotel in Hong Kong. I’m grateful for every bit of temp med we have! Shoot, just the shots alone are likely to cause a fever for GG, at least tomorrow.

Miss you all!