May 18: Nanning and GG!

We made it safely to Nanning. We meet our sweetie in an hour. Some of you
are going to REALLY, REALLY LAUGH, but the Holt rep, Jane, says that he is
VERY spoiled and will have a sit-on-the-floor, kicking & crying temper
tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants. Apparently, the foster mom has
conditioned this and gives in to his every desire. But he's always happy
and is very easy. LOL. Jane told us that for this week, she wants us to
ALSO GIVE IN TO HIS EVERY DESIRE. Should be interesting... We already
stashed all the medications and candy. Not really wanting to give him all
that he wants of those items.

When I asked about meeting the foster family she said that we could only
see them if the bonding looked good by late in the week. By the end of the
van ride, I convinced her that it's important no matter what...that he
needs to hear the foster mom tell him that we are his family now. Even if
it's hard in the moment. She acted like it's okay now and that she'd put a
short Friday a.m. meeting with the ffamily on her schedule.

Hopefully I'll be able to write more tonight. Wish us luck!

Oh, and btw, I think this is sad...

Jane asked us why it took us so long to come for him...that the orphanage
has been asking her on a regular basis for the past year "why isn't his
family coming?" They thought it was somehow in our control and our fault
that we weren't coming for him. I tried to explain Hague, but I don't know
that she really understood. It would be nice if agencies could communicate that arrivals from everyone, but especially arrivals from Hague families, are totally beyond our control. We tried to tell her we would have come a year ago had we been
allowed to.

Later...
Wow, do I have a lot to catch up on.
We left EARLY for the Beijing airport. Gorgeous terminal. Happy whisked us
through check-in. We boarded an Air China flight to Nanning, about a 3.5
hr. trip. I thought we were the only non-Chinese on the plane, but Dh
informs me that there was one Anglo guy in the front. We took up 5 of 6
seats in our row. Lizzi & Anakin were on the one side with a Chinese
man. Very soon after he boarded, a flight attendant moved him. We weren’t
sure if he asked to move. But not long after he was back. The plane was
full.

For breakfast we had a choice of congee (rice gruel) or eggs (slimy in
middle)/ hashbrowns (soggy)/hotdog-looking sausage. Not impressed. The
flight attendants seemed to also be a tad less experienced than we’re used
to. We heard several loud crashes in the galley. During one crash I was
waiting to take LilDude to the bathroom and saw a teapot land on the floor,
splashing hot water everywhere. The flight was also fairly turbulent and I
was surprised when they continued to serve scalding hot beverages, despite
the fact that the teapots were held over people’s heads. I hoped that this
wasn’t indicative of the pilot’s experience. As we landed, we seemed to
hover over the runway for a long time before touching down. When we
stopped, we had to turn around on the runway and head back a few hundred
yards to the taxiway.

We collected our luggage and were met by Jane, the Holt representative in
Nanning. She’s worked with Holt here for nine years. On the drive to the
hotel she told us a lot more about GG. When I
asked about visiting the foster family she initially said that we couldn’t
unless the bonding was going really well by the end of the week. But at
some point I was able to say that I hoped to visit them so that he could
see us with the foster mom and have her say to him that we are his family.
And videotape it! She agreed that this was a good idea and said that we
could have a short meeting with the family on Friday morning.
During the drive she explained to us that he is very strong willed and
that he is pretty much always in a good mood as long as he gets what he
wants. And the fmom always lets him get what he wants. The few times that
he doesn’t, he’ll have a sit-down, crying, temper tantrum. Jane told us
specifically that we were to let him have whatever he wanted this week.
She also said that we were to keep him exactly on the schedule that he is
used to. Well,…he is used to sleeping 11pm-8am and 1-3pm and eating
and/or taking bottles every few hours. More like what we would think of as
a baby’s schedule. It wasn’t long before even Jane had to alter the
schedule because some appointments line up with his sleep time. So I guess
we’re all doing the best we can.

We arrived at the hotel in time to eat a bit, unpack a little, and get
ready to meet GG. Our hotel is fine/nice, but I will say my
earlier arrogance about enjoying beds in China is now humble pie. Our beds
here feel like a piece of plywood with a thin layer of cotton batting on
top. Or like sleeping on a box spring. I tried to turn on my side several
times last night but gave up when my hip bone started drilling into the
wood.

Anyway, so back to the reason we’re here…
We arrived in the Civil Affairs office, which happens to be the 4th floor
of a hotel. Wearing masks, we were ushered into a playroom where we saw a
couple workers and 2 children. The little boy in the center of the room
was already crying pretty hard with a orphanage staff person. When he
turned around and saw the five of us enter with masks, he turned up the
volume. Crying, crying, crying. I approached with Jane and sat down on the
floor with him. Within seconds, I asked to pull down my mask and she
allowed it. The others stayed on the perimeter for a little while, taking
photos and videotaping. LilDude wandered in and out of the area. I blew
bubbles with GG and the staff person. He’d momentarily stop crying to
blow, but then start up again like gangbusters. He kept repeating phrases
in Chinese. “I go home.” “Granny!” (in Chinese, what he calls fmom) And “I want to
sleep.” The orphanage worker left and the room cleared of everyone but us
and Jane. She told me to pick him up. I carried him around the room while
he sobbed. Sometimes he’d actively try to get away from me, but mostly he
was just miserable. REALLY miserable. He cried and cried and cried. Did I
say CRIED?!!!!???!!! When he slowed down, they said he was “ready to go.”
They brought a photographer in for a shot of him with Dh and I (for
documents) and then took a good family photo. We’re having the family
photo made into a souvenir.

We returned to the hotel where I proceeded to hold him on my lap from
about 4:45 until 8pm. In that time he would watch people out of the corner
of his eye, refusing to look at anyone. He didn’t want Dh to touch him.
He was okay with me, but he wouldn’t look at me either. He held his Dora
the Explorer doll much of this time. The doll is about 2.5’ tall; he is 3’
tall. Several times he sorta dozed off, seemingly as an escape. His fmom
sent some favorite treats with him, but he refused all eat and drink from
us, including the bottle that was on THE SCHEDULE and was a mandatory part
of the bedtime routine. The bedtime routine went out the window.
Dh took Lizzi & Anakin to eat dinner while I stayed in my chair
with GG and LilDude played Nintendo. GG seemed to improve after they
left, looking more awake and looking around. But it didn’t last long. He
started wailing and wailing, then screaming (I assume) for his foster mom
to return for him. We weren’t alone, as I heard another newly adopted
child screaming a few doors down. Why anyone else would choose to stay on
this floor is beyond me; there’s a lot of unhappy kiddos here. I think
there are at least 5 adoptive families in the hotel.

After awhile, he climbed off my lap. I let him go to see what he’d do.
Sobbing, he walked around the room, collecting all the items he’d arrived
with: his doll, some snacks, a few toys. Then he systematically found all
the toys we’d given him and brought them back to me, heaving sobs. He
seemed to be giving me all my stuff back and packing to leave but didn’t
seem to have any idea of where the door was. I picked him up and held him
as his crying increased to the point that he was gagging. He would have
thrown up, but since he’d refused all eat and drink from us, there was
nothing to urp. He did spit into the toilet, but that was about it. He
finally started talking about sleep again, so I down on the bed with him
and his doll. He turned away from me and looked at the doll and the wall.
Dh and kids returned with food. LilDude and I ate. GG refused everything
including the all-important bottle. BTW, on the bottle…Jane seemed
somewhat taken aback that we had not brought bottle supplies with us.
Bottles, bottle brushes, dishsoap, the works. In Beijing, they said that
we’d be supplied here with a bottle and all other kid-necessary supplies
since we didn’t get one there. At home we wrongly assumed that a 3-year-old
wouldn’t use a bottle. Jane says that orphanage children (including ones
in foster homes) typically get bottles until age FIVE in order to receive
adequate nutrition. She was VERY insistent that we give him a certain
amount of bottles/milk each day. So far that seems to be impossible.
At some point, Dh sat near him on the bed. I moved to the perimeter for
the first time since we’d received him. He was still lying down,
occasionally crying, so Anakin decided to put the Chinese lullaby CD on.
As soon as the CD went on, GG started looking around to see where it was
coming from. Anakin then put a fireworks screensaver on that moved to the
music. He moved it to the nightstand where GG watched with rapt attention.
Dh moved closer. And closer. And closer. Til he was snuggled up next to
him, rubbing his back. GG acted quite sleepy. I nixed mandatory bedtime
routine #2, bathtime (not wanting to start the crying again, which seemed
to start each time we tried to have him do something), and washing him off
with a warm washcloth on the bed instead. I put his pjs on, gave him a
lotion massage and figured that was it.

Up to this point, he’d been either sobbing, quietly crying, completely
trying to avoid us, or sleeping. Really grieving HARD. LilDude approached
him with my neck pillow on his head, a la Queen Amadala. GG quietly
smiled. Then laughed. Then LilDude started doing the “1000 funny faces” that
he does so well. GG laughed and laughed. Then they got out balls to throw
(that so far he’d only thrown a couple times…mostly just clung to) and
laughed more as LilDude melodramatically threw himself on the bed each time
GG threw the ball. The uproarious behavior continued for at least an hour.
Then he was tired. We all went to bed. He slept through the night. Sat up
in bed a couple of times. I just pointed him toward his doll and he went
back to sleep. He had one hand on my shoulder much of the night. Seemed
pretty relaxed.

Wow. And that’s only one day’s worth. Now to catch up about today. More
soon…

Current prayer request: LilDude has a fever and a cough. It’s just a cold,
but it’s bad timing. Please pray for QUICK recovery. And that GG doesn’t
get it.